Writing is so incredibly hard. Most days I don’t feel like I can do it well at all. It used to be something that I could do without much effort or thought. I could just string together a few sentences, and it would sound brilliant. Or at least I thought it was brilliant. Now that I think about it though it was all probably crap. Oh! That right there, that self-deprecating thing I just did, that is a significant thing about writing that I hate. I end up thinking everything I write is total crap. Shit, I think this is crap. But it is just a blog post, so I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.
These last two weeks have been my hardest writing weeks this year. I got so behind on assignments, the weather just wouldn’t make up its damn mind, so my body decided to be an asshole and stop functioning. Then it seemed that everyone died in one week and I had to deal with all of that and my obligations. We finally get to this week, and everything seemed peachy, then I got strep throat, so I ended up in the ER for 9 hours drugged out of my minded and pumped up on steroids that I am still feeling now. My chronically ill life tends to catch up with my professional life but never this catastrophically. I think it is because I have never been this busy before. I always wondered how do you become a working freelance writer if you are constantly sick? I don’t know many people who pull it off.
I worry I am one of those people who can’t quite keep up with the riggers that come along with this job. The deadlines, interviews, events, and coming up with a unique enough pitch that someone will want to publish. There is no other job that I can possibly do other than that of a writer. It’s really all I am good at and all that I am physically able to do, even though lately that seems to be contrary to the facts.
I think working with editors and fighting to get paid is something that takes the fun out of work at times. I should have to chase people down to pay me what I am owed and yet that is also apart of this freelance gig cause sometimes people will opt out of sending you the cash you were promised.
But instead of me complaining about how bogus freelancing can be I will talk about my absences from my own blog. I spend a ton of time writing for other magazines and websites that I have neglected my own space. That and I decided once I recovered from the two spine surgeries that I had, I would jump back into writing with such intensity that I haven’t had time until now to look at my site. But I am back, and I will try and write more here, and be more proactive on all my platforms.
I was thinking of using this space to start reviewing some music and doing some fun side work that I don’t get to do for the sites that I have been writing for. But that all depends if I can work out my schedule in a way that gives me time to rest and time to work in equal amounts. Cause with ME/CFS and Fibro resting is honestly the only thing that keeps my brain-fog at bay. But I am sure none of you want to hear about that nonsense. I talk about it at length in so many articles and blog post that I feel like my disabilities are becoming something that completely defines me, and that isn’t what I want. They are a significant part of my life but not the controlling factor of everything.
Anyways what I wanted to talk about was how hard a time I have been having with writing and the disillusionment I have been feeling about the industry, but it all just meandered everywhere and ended nowhere. So I think that’s all the writing I can do tonight. Talk to you guys soon.